Learn what you need to quit expecting from others to have more effective and happy relationships.
Expectations bind people to predetermined outcomes, leaving little possibility for new ideas. There are, however, ways to avoid the disappointments that come with unreasonable expectations.
We all know that we can’t manage everything and make everyone behave the way we want them to. Consider what would happen if you stopped expecting the worst and instead focused on the good things that happen in your life.
Here are ten things you should no longer demand from people if you want to be happier:
Expect no one else to affirm your worth. Your worth is found within yourself. Others are preoccupied with their own lives, putting their own needs and desires onto the world.
They aren’t present emotionally or mentally to confirm your value. What they say and do to you is a reflection of their expectations, which are not the same as yours.
2. Praise and Appreciation
You may or may not be praised. Learning that you can’t rely on other people’s approval is a crucial life lesson. You set yourself up for disappointment if you do excellent things and expect others to notice.
Don’t do something just to get people’s gratitude; rather, do it because you want to. Do it because it makes you feel better or because it is consistent with your values.
You should be proud of yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you take a step in the right direction, overcome a bad attitude, or do something nice for others.
It makes no difference what others think. What matters is how you perceive yourself. Make it a personal goal to participate in positive self-talk. Self-validation results as a result of this.
There is no one else who can be your full-time supporter. A buddy can occasionally help you get back on your feet when you’re down. But they can’t make you smile. It is up to you to set objectives and take steps to achieve them.
Expecting others to do your dirty work for you is unrealistic. But they do have to take you closer to something you care about. It’s a losing struggle to sit around waiting for inspiration to strike.
Find something, anything, to get you up and moving. Set things in motion. Get your blood pumping, your mind focused on something other than yourself, and feel the momentum develop.
Nobody has experienced your upbringing, walked in your shoes, or lived your life as you have. The events that shaped your current perspective on life are vastly different from those of every other person on the planet.
So don’t expect others to “understand” who you are at your core. Some will be able to relate, while others will have no idea what you’re talking about.
Perhaps it’s time to let go of your insistence that everyone thinks the same way you do. Allow them to express themselves based on their own experiences.
You are the only one who can discover the possibilities in your day, relationships, or life. Unfortunately, the normal individual seeks out what is wrong to correct it and then be happy.
Just listen to the surrounding talk; there’s a lot of whining and blaming going on. It’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to participate. Instead, strive to create your path by concentrating on what can go well rather than what can go wrong.
It’s a never-ending quest to find someone else to make your life complete. Stop hoping to meet the one person who can fulfill all of your requirements. “Satisfaction or happiness as a result of completely developing one’s abilities or character,” according to one clear meaning of the word “fulfillment.”
That is all there is to it. You’ll be ready to connect with others in a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship once you’ve found fulfillment in your own life. Before people can get right with you, you must first get right with yourself.
Others can boost your happiness briefly, but they can’t make you happy. Allow yourself to notice how joy shines through in your daily life. Joy comes from appreciating the good things that already exist in your life, both big and tiny.
In an Afghan prison, a man was kept in a small cell with a grey concrete floor and a metal bed. In the morning, only a little window at the top of the outer wall let in a thin ray of light. He was looking forward to seeing that light, and he thanked God for it every day.
A beautiful red leaf blew in and landed in front of him on a cold autumn day as he shivered on the damp floor. He gently picked it up and hid it, knowing that his captors would deprive him of even that small pleasure. He took it out every day just to gaze at it.
It faded to a deep rust color over time, yet it was still the only source of color in his world. Then he discovered a spool of bright blue thread in the corner of his bed and tucked it away as well.
For three years, these three pleasures—a ray of early sunlight, a dried leaf, and a thread—helped him keep his sanity. He eventually managed to flee to safety. Hearing this, I understand that I live in a bubbling pot of happiness—but only if I look for it.
We need to be foolish; we need to have ridiculous, goofy, and irreverent moments. It keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously in life. These moments are best shared with a buddy, yet there are times when no one is accessible.
Dancing with our cat, spinning across the living room, or standing on the bed to deliver a soliloquy will add a little humor to your day.
Making silly faces in the mirror, lifting weights with a gallon of laundry detergent, sword dueling with dinner spoons, and letting go of inhibitions are all good ways to relieve stress.
I don’t need someone else to make a total fool of myself, and that feels great sometimes. I admire those who are socially responsible, but let’s give ourselves a break!
We’re all dealing with issues. Others can assist us in evaluating potential remedies, but if the problem exists in our lives, it is one that we contributed to. It’s up to us to put an end to what we started.
Consider this: has anyone’s offered remedy to your difficulties made you feel better? The majority of the time, we find that other people’s advice falls short of our expectations. Only those who have a victim mindset want others to save them. Victors consider their options, act, and make adjustments as needed.
We anticipate others to criticize us if we grew up with negative comments. We look for a hidden meaning underneath someone’s words when they comment.
Everyone, we believe, has a secret motive. Everything the rest of the world does is questionable. If someone gives us a strange look, we assume it’s because we have spinach on our teeth, but it’s more likely that they think our hairstyle is fantastic.
When we hear a compliment, we are often perplexed as to what that individual expects from us. We’ve evolved into people that seek out bad feedback and find it everywhere.
Perhaps it’s time to quit relying on others and take control of your destiny. Do you have any past transgressions that you need to forgive yourself for? What former self-image messages did others give you that are now ringing false?
Are there any adjustments you’d like to make? What areas would you like to improve? Take charge of your life and make it happen. It’s your life, after all. Take the lead.